Monday, July 13, 2015

A Compelling Case for the Third Element

Between forgiving and forgetting, the two elements that are often talked about lies a space. And in that space you will find a third and easier element – getting past and letting go.

Getting past does not put you through the challenges of forgiving or forgetting. It involves making peace with the situation and letting yourself move ahead. It does not involve challenging yourself to the greatness of forgiving a person or feeling like a failure if you cannot. It does not ask you to perform a miracle on your memory and forget things that are unforgettable. It only gently says to you – “This is not worth it. You are far more valuable than this”. Get past because much better lies in wait for you. Don’t forget if you can’t, but don’t dwell on it. Don’t forgive if you won’t, but don’t allow it to trap you. Get out of the fog. Get out of the clouds and embrace the sunshine waiting for you. Smile back at the good luck smiling down at you. This is the beauty of the Third Element – the most empowering of all.

The element that draws you out of your sadness without any judgements and allows you to value yourself over and above everything while engaging you to be joyful.  When you are at that difficult juncture of having to decide whether to forget or forgive, the third element provides a liberating new option. So forget about making the choice as even in that choice you value your perpetrator more than yourself and challenge yourself more than necessary, where the need is for peace not challenge. The third element puts you above everyone and everything. The third element provides the option of disconnecting and disengaging, whereas in trying to forget or forgive the mind engages more in the undesirable object and undesired emotions.

Whereas the first two elements challenge you and put you on the spot for choosing between a rock and a hard place, the third element sets you free. It does not allow the incapability to forgive or forget undermine you. It does not put a beleaguered mind through the challenge of deciding between the two but gives it time and space to decide whether it wants to do one or the other or both or neither. It is the space between getting hurt and forgetting/ forgiving, a comfortable space that can be your own for a while or infinitely. That also is up to you to decide. It puts you in control and at the helm of your decision making, rather than at the mercy of the first two elements.

With that I rest my case.


  1. Time and tide waits for nobody. When we mature with age, its bit more easy to find this space.

    1. Agreed Hemant!Thanks for your comment :)